I know I try to be positive and see the good in things, but lately I'm kinda down. Not kinda, really. I can't shake it. I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to be sad and depressed. I don't want to not even eat because it would require actually DOING something.
I guess its just the hormones. I'm already freaking out about getting everything done in time. I feel like the clocking is ticking faster each day. I'm scared that we'll have this little baby and I won't know how to take care of her and make her happy. I know I want to bf, but the thought of it just worries me... I want a drug-free birth and I'm scared I won't be strong enough. I'm afraid I won't be good enough, like always... I wasn't good enough to get pg on my own, I'm not good enough to keep the house in order, I'm not good enough to finish school and actually MAKE something of myself, I was never a good enough daughter or granddaughter (just ask anyone on my father's side)... How am I ever going to be good enough for my little girl? How am I going to do this??
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
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I think it will come naturally when you first see her. After all you will be her mommy, you will know how to take care of her and know what she needs. I think they call that mother's intuition. :)I also think it is normal to be nervous, I know I would be. You may have needed help getting pg, but everyone needs help somewhere and this is not going to make you any less of a mother. You are strong, you can do this!!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it is all the hormones, but take care of yourself and eat for your little girl. She needs you as much now as she will when she arrives. Take care and let me know if there is anything I can do to help! (((Big Hugs)))
I need to just tell you how normal your feelings are...every new mommy to be has exactly those same worries. I did, and my mom said she did, too.
ReplyDeleteThe great thing about babies is they don't come out with great expectations of their moms. They need food and snuggles and THATS IT. You get this wonderful opportunity to grow as a mom WITH them as they grow. You don't have to have all the answers right at the start.
They don't care if you don't have their nursery just right, or if all the onesies aren't washed, or if the carpets aren't vacuumed every day. They love you because you are warm and have boobs [or a bottle].
Things fly by too fast to focus on worries. There are so many amazing experiences to take in. Some things aren't always fun, some things are uncomfortable....but everything is part of this journey, and its an amazing gift from God!!
A tidbit I didn't realize until Skyler arrived...babies sleep ALOT! Naptimes keep mamas sane!!! There is something to look forward to!!!
I hope you feel better. Trust me, everything works out!
I remember feeling like that when I had my son 13 years ago.
ReplyDeleteThere is one piece of advice I want to say that holds true coming from a mother of 13 years. You can make all the plans you want. You can say I am going to breast feed, I am going to have a drug-free labor, I am going to never put my baby in the bed....but really you will learn when your baby is born some things work for the best in the ways you never thought. KWIM? I was not able to breastfeed my son 13 years ago. But, I now am more educated and feel more confident this time around. But, whatever works best, is what works.
So far as labor...all I have to say is wait and see how it goes. It could go quick and you might be able to deal with the pain, if not, it does not make you any less of a woman to get an epidural. All I can say for me, labor is the worst pain I have ever felt and there was no way I could do 4 or 6 hours of hard labor. No way.
So, I think don't set expecatations for yourself. Just think what will be will be...wait and see what works best for you...or more like what works best for your baby. She will let you know :)
Just take it one step at a time and breath. Please don't set expectations yet. Everything that is meant to be will fall right in place for you and you will the best mother you know to be ;)
*hugs*
Awww sweetie - you are going to make a wonderful mom! All of your concerns are normal... who wouldn't be nervous about taking care of something so small and precious? But you will have a bond with your baby girl like no one else, and she will love you with all her heart.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm sure you are way ahead of the game in regards to being prepared. Everything will fall into place, it always does, right? ;-) Just follow your faith and your trust in God and you will see that it will all work out.
My best friend had her daughter 7 weeks early... no furniture, basement still being finished/remodeled, just had her shower a few days before and hadn't gone through anything. And everything worked out beautifully! You are a strong person and you have come so far... just keep reminding yourself of that!
(Huge HUGS)
ReplyDeleteI am so, so sorry you're going through this. You are so much better than you give yourself credit for. I do understand what you're feeling. If there were a way I could take it from you, I would.
Like E, I had those feelings too, you are going to be a great mom! You already care more about your baby than many moms do after birth and you know the blessing you have been given through all the struggle you have been through.
ReplyDeleteI don't care what anyone says, including your dads side, you are awesome and things will be ok. You will know what to do when the time comes and if you don't, you'll get good at wingin' it. There is no "ONE WAY" to do things when it comes to being a mom.
As far as the delivery, if you are able to go drug free, wonderful, but if you need extra help...its natural too. You have nothing to feel guilty about and they are YOUR decisions...
I'll pray for your peace and comfort.
~hugs~
ReplyDeleteYou'll wake up after baby, have a few freak out days, and then, you'll get it. You'll be there and realize, you ARE good enough, because you will be doing it.
It's hard to say don't worry, because you will anyway, but honestly, you'll figure it out, you'll find your own rhythm, and you'll do it.
I also wanted to say, BFing can seem daunting, but once you try it, you'll know if it's right for you. It's a personal thing, but even trying it is worth it, because then you'll never have the 'what-if'.
And drug free labor! You can do it! You ARE good enough, and anyone, A-N-Y-O-N-E tries to tell you that you can't or "it's opk if you can't do it" send them my way, I'll have words. If you want to try it, go for it! You are a strong woman! (I'm not sure if you read my blog about it, but hey, you'll know I'll go to bat with ANYONE who tries to tell you that you can't, the ONLY person who can or should change your mind is YOU, ok?)
You ARE good enough. Remember that.
Luckily, tiny babies are super easy to take care of. They sleep almost all the time, and when they aren't sleeping, they're eating. They do have some awake time, and that's what I worried the most about--what on earth do you do to entertain an infant? But I got lots of good ideas from people on what to do--just talking to him a lot, or reading to him... and honestly, it doesn't matter if you read kids' books or text books or biographies or whatever... the baby just likes hearing your voice. (I am reading The Fellowship of the Ring to N).
ReplyDeleteBreast feeding isn't as bad as I thought it would be. The first couple of days it was tricky because N didn't always latch right, so I'd have to un-latch and re-latch him. Now he pretty much always latches right (but he likes to push/pull away now, and then he starts screaming when that happens, LOL).
As far as going drug free, I believe you are strong enough!! Heck, I'm a big sissy, but I labored for 10 hours and then pushed for 4, and did it drug free!! I had a great team helping me (a midwife, a nurse, DH and my mom) and I managed to sort of "tune out" the pain, and in fact I would even doze in between contrax!! But you know what? Don't feel like a failure if you end up with the epidural. It's wonderful to have options.
And guess what... I'm terrible at keeping my house in order, I've been going to college since January of '05 and still don't have a degree (in fact I just recently picked my major but can't even start it until fall of '11). So if you're a failure, I am too!! :D