I'm Scared A Little

I have about 1 more week before I will know if we are pregnant again. I am scared. I'm scared that it won't work and we'll have to go back to IUIs and shots again. I'm scared that it WILL work because I will be so nervous. I don't know if I can go through that again. Don't get me wrong, I have faith that this will work and that I will be holding a 3 month old by this time next year. But after IF and 2 losses, nothing is sacred anymore. We can't relax and tell our moms as early as we did this time. We can't hop and skip into the OB's office without a care in the world. Every appointment will be filled with apprehension. I just hope and pray that all works out THIS time and we don't have to start investing so much into another IUI cycle.

This post is more for my own personal release than anything else, but if you are reading this just pray for us. It is going to be a hard week I think. I am in the process of cleaning out our soon-to-be nursery and setting up the crib (maybe visualizing will help). This Sunday is our local Walk To Remember, in honor of all the babies lost through miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, or infant loss. It will be a hard day for me. Ella's name is going to be on the program and said at the memorial service. And then the testing to see if this worked... If not we are doing IUI again next month. I didn't have a great response this month so we are moving on. Please pray, I need it...