Attempt at an Explanation

I have had pretty much everyone ask me why we are being so aggressive and producing so many follicles our first go around. I'll do my best to explain and I know some will still disagree with me and with our decision. Any questions are welcomed, and I hope that this makes a little sense and isn't off-putting for anyone. If it is, I apologize in advance, I'm really not that kind of person and that is NOT my intent.

The first reason we are being so aggressive is simple: money. My insurance pays NOTHING on IF so when we do an ART procedure, we can only afford one try every 6 months or so. We would be able to afford more cycles, but the HSG and MRI to rule out the hydrosalpinx has pretty well drained all we had saved for our IF treatment. We had paid over $2000 by March for all the tests required. That isn't including everything we had done from October-December, or the actual dr visits. The $2K was for the hospital bills for the MRI and HSG alone. As one of my other posts shows, this cycle alone is going to reach close to $2,000 also. When we reached the decision to try an IUI/injectable cycle we decided and told the doctor that we want to do whatever we can to ensure a pregnancy from this cycle. That is reason #1 why we're pushing so hard.

I believe the reason that we are going for so many follicles is because of some past history. I know we haven't done IUI before, but we HAVE done Clomid cycles with impeccably timed intercourse. They say 16 and 36 hours, we wake up at 3am to make sure its on time. My 2nd Clomid cycle I made 3 large follicles and we (obviously) didn't get pregnant. My 3rd Clomid cycle (April) I had 5 follicles and again we didn't get pregnant. So out of 8 possible babies, we haven't gotten pregnant. I think that is why we are trying to get so many this time. Maybe that sounds crazy and I have never asked him why he wants so many, but this is my theory.

If this cycle fails as all the others have, we will be taking a break for quite a while. We will still try, but we will not be seeing a doctor or taking any infertility medications. In that time, we will be strongly considering adoption. At a ladies event in my hometown on Friday, a woman spoke about her experience with saying yes to God and in doing so, she and her husband were led to adopt two teenage boys from Liberia (she had 3 young daughters at the time). Before the word "adoption" came out of her mouth I knew that was what she would be speaking on. As I sat miserable and bloated from that night's injection, her words grabbed ahold of my heart. Through the tears, I realized that adoption is perfectly ok, and I have never considered that for our family before. I purchased a CD on which she told her adoption story. Neal and I listened to it yesterday and we both cried through the whole thing. We decided that if God wants us to adopt, we will be obedient and excited for that adventure.

After speaking to a friend and my pastor, I have edited this post and reconsidered my position. Instead of praying for strength should we have to make a hard decision, we are praying that we will get pregnant with only as many babies as my body can safely carry and let Him take care of the rest. My doctor knows what he's doing, and so does my God. "I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope." Jeremiah 29:11 "For nothing will be impossible with God." Luke 1:37

I hope that this has explained a little where we stand. I know we are young, I know we have time. I don't need to be reminded that "time is on our side". Just because we are young does not change the fact that we struggle just like all of you and want this just as much as you do. Just as some people are called to be teachers and some are called to be preachers, some are called to be mothers. I am one of them. There has never been anything in my life that I have felt such a pull and a drive for as this. This is my calling. I will do whatever I can within my power to fulfill my purpose in life. I hope that you understand, and will still continue to support Neal and I both in this terrible journey through infertility that I wish none of us ever had to face.